“I hear in a lot of churches they’ve got to meet together again because of our kids. And I’m going, ‘Man, God should wake you up right there. Parents are supposed to be teaching their kids.’ It’s a great opportunity for you, dads, to step up and believe the Spirit of the living God is inside of your body and you can lead that family. And if they’re not equipped, then figure it out and man up.”
Setting aside the frustrating gender dynamics, Chan is right: parents most certainly should be teaching their children to follow Jesus. But in affirming the importance of the home, is it wise to imply that the community’s role is less significant or even unnecessary?
My husband had the great fortune to grow up in a vibrant faith community in Sydney (Australia) where the local church had a pair of visionary youth ministers (now Dr. Ken Moser & Julie Moser), with a profound gift for building robust community centered on Jesus. Tweens and teens were not so much catechized as welcomed into deep friendships and committed mentorship grounded in Christ through the study of the scripture. While my husband and his friends had heaps of fun together, the community was never about fun and games—it was about following Jesus together.
Not all of my husband’s friends came from Christian homes, some even came from homes hostile to Christian faith. And not all the Christian homes in the community were equally vibrant. Like those of us parenting now, my husband’s parents and their peers had their own stories of doubt, faith, struggle, and growth, and they weren’t always the best mentors for their own children.
Regardless of their home environments, my husband’s peer group have stayed overwhelmingly faithful to Jesus in their adult lives. Most are doing significant, redemptive work in the world, including paid ministry. Almost all are active members in their local churches. And they remain committed to Jesus and each other, still meeting together, praying together, and raising their kids together. When we go home to visit, our children sense the profound bond they have with these families and, despite having never lived in Sydney, they see this community as our real family, our real home.
Was the spirit-led leadership of the father in the home what produced such vibrant Christian community? Such fathers certainly didn’t hurt where present; they were a great gift for those blessed with such a parent. But it was the community that ultimately brought my husband and his peers to mature faith.
Children raised in Christian homes may or may not grow into vibrant faith. If their church fails to build community, offering an insipid and timid vision of life in Christ, parents will have a hard time overcoming that (lack of) vision for following Jesus. And if churches are dysfunctional or abusive, the family has little hope of redeeming the damage such a community can inflict on a young person’s perception of life in Christ. But a robust church community that embodies new life in Christ, that fosters deep relationships among young people and mentors them with commitment, that community can lead young people from any background into a lifelong journey with Jesus.
While Chan is right that Christian parents should be raising their kids to love Jesus, it is no weakness or failure for parents to need the wider community of faith to accomplish that tremendous task. The wider community of other people “in Christ” is absolutely necessary for everyone’s faith formation, even the faith formation of kids. So let’s not shame parents for needing—and valuing anew—the God-given goodness of the body of Christ in the harrowing work of raising children.
Learn more about Ken & Julie Moser’s work at EffectiveYouthMinistry.com
I am in the process of wriring a book loosly titled “Practising the Story: Reconstructing an Ancient Faith for the Modern World” in-which I will address issues like the false dichotomy outlined above. Learn more about the project on my “Writer” page and help me get the book published with a few social follow clicks… thank you!.
grace & peace,
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